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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085151">scars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_Cannot/pseuds/Trashy_Cannot'>Trashy_Cannot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, IT'S 2020 AND WE'RE TALKING TO OUR FRIENDS ABOUT THINGS AND BEING OPEN WITH THEM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:27:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,502</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_Cannot/pseuds/Trashy_Cannot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's after the fight and Fjord's chest weighs heavy with scars and with guilt. His friend checks up on him.</p>
<p>  Alternatively: It's about talking with your friends and being open about your fears,,,<br/>[SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 98]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fjord &amp; Beauregard Lionett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>scars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>@/tiamat-zx requested a fic and i wrote it 'cause why not, we need more brjeaus fics in our lives. also, this art is also partly inspired by losebetter's brjeaus piece here: https://losebetter.tumblr.com/post/190483874996/dont-ever-let-anyone-tell-you-you-are-too-much</p>
<p>  but yeah...brjeau's man. found family.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>  The rain had died down since Fjord came back. It was almost peaceful now, if you ignored the stench of death in the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord looked down at his chest. Somehow, even after the amount of healing both Caduceus and Jester gave him, it felt like a weight tugged at him. In the dim light, he knew it was just scarred tissue. His fingers, freshly cleaned from dried blood, brushed across it. It still hurt - like Uk’otoa still had a part of him under its briny scales.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  A knock came from across the room, and in the doorway stood Beau, his first mate and close friend. Someone who had put her life on the line so many times - too many times - for him. Even to the point where she could’ve had her life come to an end at the hands of the Laughing Hand just for </span>
  <em>
    <span>a shot </span>
  </em>
  <span>at saving him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord was starting to think he wasn’t worth saving. Not when it put the Nein at risk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You okay?” she murmured, staring at the scar on display.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “...no.” Fjord admitted. “But I think I will be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Beau took a step into his chamber. “I thought we were all done with that fuckin’ guy, to be honest.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Me too. Uk’otoa doesn’t seem to be the type of guy to get over grudges, is he?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Nah.” Beau chuckled. “Anyway, I just wanted to check in. I’m happy you’re alive, I don’t think I could take over as captain if we weren’t able to get you back up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord stood up, buttoning his shirt and blinking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well, I think you would’ve been a fine captain. Even if you were doing that weird portrait for Jester earlier.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  At the mention of Jester, Fjord caught Beau’s shoulders tense. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah. Um, Cad would be here to check up on you himself since he did the Revivify but he wanted to make sure Orly was okay first.” Beau spoke, a poor attempt at redirecting the conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Are...you okay, Beau?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Hm? Yeah, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord tilted his head to its side and crossed his arms. Beau shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I’m fine, Fjord. Really.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Beau began to back into the threshold of the captain’s quarters to exit, eyes avoiding her friend’s. Fjord followed her, sighed, and put his arm around her shoulders, giving Beau a noogie to mess up her hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “What the hell-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You were gonna miss me, weren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The monk rolled her eyes. “Of course I was, dude. You...you and all of the Nein are basically my </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> family. I saw that when I talked to my father, and...I admitted it when I said I was gonna walk away for the Hag.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord pulled back from the side-hug to face his friend head-on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Look, I know I was teasing you before but we really wouldn’t have let you go.” Fjord stated, eyes searching for belief in Beau’s. “You’re my first mate, but you’re...also my sister.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  At that, Fjord saw Beau’s eyes well-up as she diverted her gaze onto the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Thank you.” Beau whispered, a crack in her voice before she could finish ‘you’.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “You don’t have to thank me, Beau. We’re family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The Half-Orc pulled Beau back into a hug, letting her cry into his shoulders. The tears didn’t take long to wet his shirt enough for it to stick like it did on top of the Balleater’s deck. He didn’t mind, it was nice to feel Beau’s walls fall, and for water to not feel like the neverending expanse of Uk’otoa’s cage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  A pulse of tension and electricity flooded Fjord’s chest, spreading outward into his arms and legs. Both he and Beau pulled back in tandem, clutching at their chests. Glancing backward, their eyes fell onto the paths of lightning carving through the gray clouds in the sky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Melora’s grace, is this something that happens with scars?” Fjord half-joked, touching the tender spot once more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “I didn’t know until just now, and I’ve had this longer than you.” Beau chuckled, pointing at where her own scar would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The two fell into a brief fit of laughter. They vowed to ask Caduceus about it later, since he mentioned a leg injury that ached whenever it was about to rain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “But really, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” Beau asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord glanced back into the clouds and he could’ve sworn he saw the Wildmother’s eyes within it, egging him on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah. I do, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Tell me all about it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  The two settled down on Fjord’s bed, sitting side-by-side. At the gentle pat of Beau’s hand, Fjord felt his shoulders relax, and the air in the room drained of the fear of death.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “It feels like I’ve come so far from where I was when I met you all.” Fjord began. “I’m no longer hiding myself, and I’ve found people to come home to. Uk’otoa was supposed to be in my past - I mean I fuckin’ threw my falchion into the Wildmother’s forge. I thought we were done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord saw Beau’s smirk and raised brow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No judgment, but did you really think the guy who gave you the ability to control a shit ton of water and shoot magic out of your fingertips would just...disappear when you threw a sword into some lava?” Beau remarked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Well. It felt final.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Felt?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Look, I just thought that was behind me and I’m terrified that it isn’t. We can’t just...do that again if it happens during the peace talks.” Fjord scratched at the stubble on his chin. “I mean we don’t have any diamonds to Revivify anyone if it all goes south like it did tonight. I don’t want to be a liability to you all because of my presence alone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>   The monk nudged his shoulder. “It’ll be alright. I don’t think Uk’otoa could do that again. In the daytime, at least. But if it makes you feel better I can stay up to keep extra watch so that we’re not all waking up too late into a fight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Beau you don’t have to-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “No I’m gonna. I might be beat to shit, but you need some rest...and Orly will too. Meaning that I’m gonna take over the ship during the evening.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “...thank you.” the words felt more genuine than Fjord wanted to admit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “‘Course, man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord looked at his friend. She was rocking back and forth with the waves, and it was obvious that sleep was slowly taking hold of her. There was a smile on her face, though it dropped easily with her tiredness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “So will you be okay as well?” Fjord asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Beau cracked her knuckles. “I’d hope so. I just can’t shake the feeling that this can only end badly. For me and for all of us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Very little has gone good in my life for longer than a week. First it was Tori. Then, it was you all, until Molly died. But we had a good run after that...until Yasha got taken by Obann and to be honest, everything else is a blur to me. The fights start to melt together when you get knocked out during a lot of them.” Beau whispered, chuckling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “We’ll-we’ll last.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Tonight said otherwise.” Beau bit her tongue, realizing how harsh it sounded. “I mean of course we’ll be here for you. We’ll all be together, right? But how many times until our luck runs out, until Jester or Caleb or you or I die? And when none of us have the diamonds or the will to bring the other back?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Then it’ll happen. But it’s unlikely. Luck’s a weird thing, you know Caleb can do all that weird fucky shit with possibility, and I know you remember when we had the Beacon with us. So we’ll have to live with that, but what matters is right now...and I guess we can both work on that.” Fjord explained, glancing back to find the Wildmother’s eyes, squinted into a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “So. You have to deal with the past, and I have to deal with the future?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord grinned. “Exactly. We’ll meet in the middle.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “That sounds really nice, actually.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Yeah. Now, I think you have a ship to tend to, first mate.” he jested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Beau backed out of the doorway, sending half-hearted middle fingers towards her friend. Fjord rolled his eyes and followed her the moment he saw her trip over thin air. She was healed from the fight, but it was obvious she wasn’t ready to take over right now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Oh you’re already stumbling to get to the deck. Nevermind about your offer right now. Just get some rest.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Beau snorted as she nearly stumbled again. “G’night, Fjord.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  “Good night, Beau.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  Fjord watched Beau go back into her chambers before feeling ready to head back on deck. It was still slick, and the smell of death still lingered, but the scar on Fjord’s chest no longer felt as heavy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>  He could only hope that Beau’s felt the same.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love,,,the brjeaus.</p>
<p>Detail Notes: I actually didn't intend for Beau and Fjord's problems to be focused on the future and past, but when I was writing it I was like "oh shit fjord's past (i.e. uk'otoa, vandren, and the orphanage) keep messing him up" and "while beau does have problems with her past, the future she's on, and the legacy she's creating haunt her (i.e. not thinking she'd live past 19, essek's question about who she wants to be, and leave every place better than you found it". So I came to a happy medium where the two would learn to not worry so much about their respective times, but live in the moment and appreciate the family they have.</p>
<p>  But as with all my works, please drop a kudos, comment, and share the fic if you wanna but I'm never gonna force you. So until next time (or if you wanna read by beaujes and beauyasha fics or other oneshots i have you can do that too), have a great day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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